I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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