listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
