Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The air was thick with penises
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
