I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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