is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
