i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
