I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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