I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
