So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
