also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
