Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
