I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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