Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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