Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
