Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
