new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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