i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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