Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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