peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's never too late to be topless.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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