i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
