Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
