Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
