Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
