I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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