I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
