We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
