I must be too annoying 4 u.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
