if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
