i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
