I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Boobs are out for the taking
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
