Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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