What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
