Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
