Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
