He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
