Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
