your thong is hanging out like whoa
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
