I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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