I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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