Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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