I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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