I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
