was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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