Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
