I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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