I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
