just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
