remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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