The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
