I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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